Wednesday, May 20, 2009

For the Record...

...I only apologize when I think I'm wrong.

Though I'm not happy about a couple of people who don't like me anymore and won't read my blog unless I apologize, I am not writing to make or keep friends/readers. I am not keen on losing friends or readers, but I am going to remain true to myself and what I believe. I am going to write what I believe I need to write and what I believe is true.

I am all about apologizing when I'm wrong. I am also all about acknowledging when someone manages to change my opinion on something and how they did it. But it is not easy to change my opinion and telling me you don't like me anymore is simply not going to cut it. About the best anyone gets out of me when I don't think I'm wrong, is what happens in meat world, for example when someone walks into me. Then I go all Canadian and will usually apologize - though why I would apologize for occupying the space that someone else was walking through, instead of around is beyond me. I don't think I actually have any Canadian blood, so I'm not sure what the problem is - but I digress...

I blog about what I want to blog about and I state my sincerely held opinions. If you were to peruse through the archives of my various blogs, you would note that I have changed some of my sincerely held beliefs over the few years I've been in the blogosphere. If you were to actually see the various threads in which my opinions have been changed, you would notice that I tend to push back really hard when someone is on the verge of convincing me I was wrong. This is not because I am afraid to change, it is because I want to make sure I am wrong in the first place and the best way to do that is to challenge the new paradigm. If you think I am wrong, then damned well convince me - give me a substantive argument. I am even willing to take them in email, if you are afraid to drop them in comments - though I much prefer that they go into comments, even if you post them anon (with some sort of identifier).

Initially I was rather pissed and was considering posting the emails that inspired this post, but I ultimately respect the people who sent them and hope that they will reconsider their position. There is nothing wrong with being friends with people you have even fundamental disagreements with.

But please, don't insult my intelligence or your own by expecting me to change my opinion or apologize for it, simply because if I don't you won't play with me anymore. And don't insult me by expecting that the same threat will convince me to stop blogging about certain topics...I post what I want to post - period. I'll post about gender issues, I'll post about my neurological issues - I'll even post about how very much in love I am (indeed another of the latter is coming today). There is no reason to read every post - I don't really expect people to. I sure as hell won't stop writing about this or that, because someone doesn't like it.

12 comments:

DuWayne Brayton said...

And for the record, the gratuitous references to going Canadian are entirely for the benefit of Jason, our beloved Canadian friend...

Jason Thibeault said...

Duly noted and LOL'd at. :)

Abby Normal said...

I would dearly love to know what set this off. What can I say, I'm a nosy busybody.

DuWayne Brayton said...

A couple of rather vitriolic emails demanding that I apologize for the last post. One of them also chastised me as a busy-body who should just worry about the boys and let the women deal with women's issues. Basically feels it's inappropriate for me to write about feminism...

Jason Thibeault said...

For what it's worth, you're not wrong to be on the right side of the fight just because the other folks in that fight think you don't meet their purity criteria. People who fight for a cause but refuse help from people who are obviously on their side, aren't worth allying yourself with, but that doesn't mean the cause isn't worth fighting.

I know, it all sounds like a truism.

DuWayne Brayton said...

Oh hell Jason, I most certainly don't worry about the standards that others go by. I have had my issues with a lot of people who claim to support something I support, because they have fundamental differences of opinion on the right way to support an issue. Depending on the issue, I am disinclined to even believe that such people are on the same side as I am.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

a couple of people who don't like me anymore and won't read my blog unless I apologizeA reader really sent you an e-mail and said that they are mad at you and if you don't apologize, they're gonna punish you by stopping reading your blog? That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard in my life.

If a blog is worth reading, then how the fuck does the author pissing you off suddenly make it not worth reading? And if a blog is not worth reading, then how the fuck does an apology make it worth reading?

LostMarbles said...

Then I go all Canadian and will usually apologize - though why I would apologize for occupying the space that someone else was walking through, instead of around is beyond me.Hey, I'm offended by that. Not all Canadians are so disgustingly polite that they will apologize to an inanimate object if they bump into it. I demand an apology or else I'm never ever visiting this blog again. :P

DuWayne Brayton said...

CPP -

Not one, two of them. Though I suspect one of them has been rather pissed at me anyways...I actually would feel pretty good about it, if they weren't people I rather respected.

LM -

Sorry, but as depressing as it is, I just won't reascend my anti-Canadian slur, implying that Canadians are brutally polite. Though I will accept that not all Canadians, necessarily fall into that stereotype - in spite of never yet seeing evidence to the contrary.

To really stir things up - you fucking Canucks are so motherfucking - clean...

Stephanie Zvan said...

Oh, hell. As long as we're pointing things out for the record, several of the people involved in this disagreement read each others blogs on at least an occasional basis, if not a regular one. Nobody's been taking anyone off blogrolls over this stuff, and not just because that's a public act. If the people arguing can manage to not disown each other, I'd think readers would be capable of at least that much.

Also for the record, Minnesotans are totally honorary Canadians as far as apologies go.

Abby Normal said...

Without having read the emails I can't speak to them specifically. But to the idea that men shouldn't talk about feminism, that's down right insulting. Moreover, it serves to perpetuate the very division that leads to so much inequality. Integration, cooperation, shared experience, empathy, understanding, mutual respect, these are the tools for overcoming oppression. These are the things that lead to a win/win situation, where everyone's moving forward toward the same goal, where everyone's life is enriched.

When it us verses them, then every step forward is a step back for the other side. That kind of adversarial relationship only leads to perpetual conflict. It's counterproductive and in the end we all lose out.

Jason Thibeault said...

"To really stir things up - you fucking Canucks are so motherfucking - clean..."
Hey FUCK YOU man! We are not!