It's really hard sometimes, to be in love with someone who lives a million miles away. There are just so many times that I so desperately want to be with her and she with me. It helps a lot that we have email, text messages and long conversations on the phone. We are quite capable of really making up for being so far apart, by talking for hours and falling more deeply in love. Knowing the logistics are so very difficult - it will be months at best, before we're able to see each other in person. But it's ok, because Juniper is a truly remarkable and brilliant women, who is worth the difficulty and who remarkably finds me worth it too.
Today and this evening however, we have both been in somewhat introspective moods (mine wouldn't have anything to do with listening to my Joni Mitchell station on Pandora - nope, nope, nope). And I think this is the hardest it's been, because all I wanted to do was be with her, enjoying a companionable quiet. And while it felt good to lay there in my bed on the phone with her, enjoying the quiet and knowing that she was there at the other end, loving me the way I love her - it just wasn't the same as actually being there with her, enjoying the quiet together.
I am ultimately rather new to this feeling. I always assumed that how I had loved before was my capacity and that was all there was. There was that and my love for my boys and nothing more was possible or even plausible. But now I love someone so much, that even my aching to be with her - actual pain - feels better than anything I have ever felt for another person in this context.
I love loving, being in love and being loved like this. Accepted with my flaws, my brokenness and fears - loved by someone so very intelligent and so impassioned by a desire to understand the world around her. Someone as insatiably curious as I am...