So here I am, in the middle of writing a post (which I will finish soonish), when it comes time to call my boys. I love my boys so very much, but it is really hard to talk with them on the phone.
For one, my one year old has recently started talking - yet something else that I am about a ten hour drive from - walking being the last one I missed. Not to mention Christmas and his first fucking birthday.
And for another, the eldest is really bent on coming to live with me again. I can't tell you how hard that one is. I am trying desperately not to say anything nasty about his mom - though she has no such compunctions about saying nasty things about me. I am also trying not to say anything that will make things any harder for him, so it's really hard to figure out what the hell I am supposed to say to my very upset seven year old, about why we don't live a hella lot closer together.
Finally, it's really hard not to choke and let on that I'm crying too - I'm just grateful that the one year old didn't cry this time.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry to read that. Somehow I missed that the two of you had split up.
I've facilitated a divorce recovery group the last four years, and your type of situation is the worst we face in the group, sudden separation from their children, either because of a custody dispute or sudden distance. As you say, it sucks, and the children resent and hate the situation MUCH more than you do.
You seemed to have already learned the #1 Rule: Never badmouth your ex, even if she deserves it. If she is badmouthing you, the boys will come to resent it very quickly.
Always keep the lines of communication open, even when it is most frustrating. There will be weekends when they will think it more important to go to basketball camp than let you have your visitation. That will pass, and they will love you more for always being available.
Good luck, and -- dare I say -- God bless. If I can ever be of assistance, feel free to email.
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