Friday, April 2, 2010

I am the Momma of a Two Year OId Curmudgeon

Youngest has apparently decided that both of his parents are momma. Youngest also has a rather intense independent streak that is completely at odds with eldest at that age. He is also rather fond of not listening and gives a rather impressive "fuck you," face, when what he has been instructed to do is at odds with what he wants to do. Not a "brewing tantrum" face (though he is capable of this as well) and not a "malicious joy" face. No - he has perfected the "motherfucking kids today" face, that will easily shift to the face I imagine Comrade Physio Prof gets when he is about to unleash a torrent of expletives on an ignorant fucking moron. He actually looks condescending, like even an idiot should be able to tell that what he wants to do is so fucking superior to anything mere parents might think necessary at the moment.

Fortunately he then loses it when faced with steadfast defiance and his face contorts with rage - occasionally actually throwing himself to the floor. This is not something he does to me very often, because I just laugh at him - further pissing him off, but stopping the tantrum cold as his face and entire demeanor become that of the "I am NEVER going to comment here or even read this blog EVER AGAIN!!!" troll. He refuses to look at you, while surreptitiously glancing over to make sure that he is still following close, in spite of having refused your hand. He also will try to refuse your hand when you go through the parking lot, but only enough to make sure you know he is still very angry.

If tired enough, picking him up to put him in the car seat will lead to more screaming. But usually he is bent on maintaining his perceived moral superiority and will merely turn his head n any direction that ensures he won't look at you. Once strapped in, it is really fun to take advantage of his confinement to make him actually put his eyes on you. This generally will break through the last vestiges of his anger. He is very good at expressing his scorn, but his absolute adoration for his papa ensures that this can only be maintained for relatively short periods. Apparently he can hold out for close to half an hour (ten minutes or so longer than with me) with his mom and most anyone else can be held in disdain for an hour or more.

He started getting rather irritated with me today, when at the American Museum of Science and Energy, I refused to let him climb onto a un-armed B-83 nuclear bomb. It got worse when I was unwilling to continue staring at the model of the newer nuclear power plants that purport to essentially run on nuclear waste. Then he was totally enamored by the scale model of a offshore oil platform - which I admit is pretty fucking cool, but for only so long. He didn't get outright persnickety until I flat refused to let him climb onto the stools in the transient exhibit hall (money and commerce at the mo), which were the sort that are very easy for someone at his level of balance/climbing abilities. Total meltdown waited until we actually made it all the way down stairs and passed right by the large dino puzzle that we had already pieced together twice and which eldest was reasonably not interested in stopping for, as he was ready to go and had patiently waited until I was ready to drag youngest away.

On the upside, his very awesome big brother has managed to teach him to count to ten. Though he gets totally thrown off if he has to count actual items numbering more than four. Eldest made him a counting book to ten and has plans for one that goes to fifty.

Now if only I can get him back to calling me papa. I think this is a direct result of him only getting to see me once a month. I am pretty sure this is his passive aggressive way of punishing me for not reading him picture books every night. He is not nearly as keen on the Oz books over the phone as eldest is. Either that or he is pissed that his brother flees when he starts jabbering while I am trying to read to them...

In any case, I expect that any time now I am going to come see them and he'll have a cane in hand to shake at and sometimes whack people with, when they annoy him or get on his fucking lawn. Though I may have to disown him if he starts in about fucking Irish swill - it is small batch bourbon or the highway.

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