Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ooh!!! Those Damned Canucks are Getting Rather Uppity!!!!

All right Toaster, we need to step this shit up... Time to head into that super secret laboratory on the bottom of Lake Superior and start cranking out some Canuck asswooping!!!!

You want to play tough with US, Canada?!?!? It's on motherfuckers!!!!11!!1111!!!!! This plan for world domination is staring with your motherfucking polite little asses there, eh!!!!!!11!!!!!!!

Time for some motherfucking moose casserole!!!!!1!111!!!!

You violated the conventions against torture, by giving us Celine Dione, now were bringing it back with a vengeance!!!1!!1!11!

(Thanks for Neil Young though, just to be fair)

(Not that we're going to fight fair, we're going to DESTROY, DESTROY, DESTROY!!!!!1!!11!!!1!)

(And we won't be setting up a moosemincontrol ray on Mackinaw Island - Nor will we be engaging in psychological warfare involving impoliteness, littering and bumping into you until you lose your mind from repeatedly apologizing*)

(*See Toaster, now they don't know the plans anymore)

11 comments:

LostMarbles said...

Oh, just suck it up and accept the invasion of double-doubles and delicious pastries in the form of Tim Hortons. You'll be happier and we'll have come one step closer to taking over the world.

Jason Thibeault said...

So you're telling us what you WON'T do? So is that reverse psychology, or double-secret-reverse psychology where you make us think you won't do it because you actually won't, and your real secret plans to use orbital magnifying glasses to melt all our igloos are still safe?

Oh, you didn't think we knew about that, did you? You do realize that there are beavers in your country as well, right?

DuWayne Brayton said...

Your trickery won't get me to reveal our plans for primate/bear hybrid slaves (since they're trying to outlaw human animal hybrids - just when I was almost ready to unleash my bearlike manimals!!!!1!!111 Err, I mean I wasn't, because that's not part of our plan at all - any more than the giant powershield maganfine glass...

We are definitely not using magnifying glass melting devices, bearpanzees - or any of that stuff I mentioned we're not using in the actual post...Everything that happens will be a complete surprise - a complete surprise that will absolutely not be occurring on Sep 16 of this yeat...

ScientistMother said...

But don't you want universal healthcare, gay marriage and sex in canoes?

Toaster Sunshine said...

Tim Horton's sucks goat ass. Tiny stale doughnuts with less flavor than styrofoam packing peanuts? No thanks.

BTW, do you know who manufactures Tim Horton's coffee making machinery?

Do you really want to know?

Toaster, that's who. Why do you think I'm called Toaster?

Maybe you should step back and reevaluate before pushing the line any further in my direction.

Jason Thibeault said...

Oh, I suppose you're maybe comparing Tims' donuts to, perhaps, Krispy Kreme, which as I understand it is about a pound of lard and icing sugar, shaped roughly donut-like?

DuWayne Brayton said...

Blech - Krispy Kreme sucks donkey balls too...Excepting that they actually taste good. But there is a reason that their stores seem to last a matter of months...

And yes, Scientistmother, we do want UHC, gay marriage and sex in canoes - Why the fuck do you think we're going to preemptively invade Canada...We want all that, but we want it The American Way!!!(tm)

Jason Thibeault said...

You know as well as I do that as soon as Canada was annexed, our Conservatives (who are in power now) would join with your Republicans and eliminate UHC and gay marriage post-haste. And would probably try to legislate sex in canoes too.

Face it, your government would turn to crap everything good about ours.

Toaster Sunshine said...

Hey, you know, if all those tar sands and oil shale turn out to be viable sources of sweet crude, then we might not have any choice but to come help protect you against terrorists.

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

LOL@ScientistMother.

They do have sex in canoes in the US though, in the form of their beer (it's fucking close to water)

Abby Normal said...

Ha! You Canadians are only so smug because you know you're the only people in the western hemisphere that can survive that kind of cold. You think you've got your own nad-shrinking Great Wall Of China.

But we've got your number. The fossil fuels are burning. The temperatures are rising. Soon our day will come. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!