This has turned out to be a lot harder discussion to get started, than I though it would be. I have never been one to hold anything close to my chest. As a songwriter, I have often written very personal, very harsh self assessments into my songs. I have never been afraid to discuss my feelings, good or bad, never been afraid to talk about the very worse aspects of who I am. I have hurt people, used people and even, though not purposefully or with malicious intent, abused people. I have been 'heroic" in my abuse of various substances, mostly hallucinogens. I spent the early years of my adult life, having sex, doing drugs and playing music, the epitome of irresponsibility. In short, I am not afraid of talking about myself, good or bad. But talking about my life with ADHD, has not been coming out so easy. Which is funny, because ADHD has been such a large part of my life. Not just ADHD, but insomnia and, so I'm told, bipolar disorder as well. I suspect that the symptoms of bipolar are actually the result of a lifetime of sleep deprivation. So my life with ADHD, is more than simply ADHD, but a couple of neurological disorders, as they are commonly called.
So I think the first thing that I must do, is clarify my take on neurological disorders. The word disorder can be a bit misleading, as it has rather negative connotations. To be very clear, I do not regret who I am, or in any way wish that I was neurotypical. Yes, there are problems, yes, it is very, very hard sometimes, as the following post will make clear. But everything hard about it, every silly mistake, is balanced by the rich tapestry that is my mind, who I am. Every minute, of every day, I am constantly inundated by five to eight lines of thought at the same time. All right there in my conscious mind. It's hard sometimes, trying to focus on any one thing, even something as simple as day by day interactions with others. At the same time, it means that my mind is always at work, mulling through this and that - going off on tangents brought about by combining separate lines of thought. Some of the best writing I have produced, the best ideas that I have had, are a direct result of becoming distracted. It is not nearly so simple, as black and white, good and bad. Even as they are a curse, ADHD, bipolar and insomnia are, excepting my family, my life's greatest blessing. It is my greatest hope that for my son, it will never be a curse.
I have decided to split this up into sections, as it is getting quite lengthy. The next post will be my educational experience. I am also changing the date on it, so it remains at the top for a while. I will try to ensure that this series stays in order, from beginning to end. When it is all up, or other posts on neurological disorders go up, I will let other posts get ahead of it. So ignore the date it claims to be posted.